Ten Truths on Divorce

In Malachi 2:15, the LORD explains why He is against both marriage with unbelievers and divorcing their Jewish wives, for neither brings forth a godly offspring. Verse 15 is a difficult verse to understand in Hebrew. Translations like NASB take it as “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit”, whereas ESV takes it as “Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?” The literal translation of Hebrew would be “But not one he make and the remnant of the spirit to him." In this context, it seems the prophet is asking about the one-flesh union in the covenant of marriage, rather than lamenting that if they had even a remnant of the Spirit, they wouldn’t divorce. For even Christians with the indwelling of the Spirit commit divorce. So here we will go with the ESV and take it as “But did He not make one and the residue of the Spirit to him.” So the prophet is asking, how could they break the marriage covenant when it is the LORD Himself through the blessing of the Spirit who has made them one flesh in the marriage covenant? And what was the purpose of God in doing so? He wanted godly offspring. Here we find the emphasis again on the spiritual concern over inter-marriage and divorce. The condemnation of both was not because of ethnic or racial reasons, but over spiritual reasons - the nurturing of godliness at home and in the covenant community. Marriage with unbelievers and divorce of believer spouses greatly hinder the raising of godly homes and godly children. Therefore the prophet commands everyone to be on the guard in their spirit and be faithful to their wives.

The prophet summarizes the whole point of the passage in verse 16 “For I hate divorce, says the LORD of Hosts” (Mal. 2:16). So the exhortation to be on guard against divorce is grounded on the divine hatred of divorce. The Lord goes on to say that the one who divorces "covers his garment with violence". This is a play on words, for in Hebrew custom, to cover a woman with your garment is to claim her as your wife (Ruth 3:9; Ezek. 16:8) and therefore, the one who divorces is covering his garment with violence. Finally, the same exhortation that runs through all of chapter 2 is given: Take heed to your spirit and be loyal in all your covenant relationships. Hence do not deal treacherously even to one’s wife.

In light of God's clear exhortation regarding divorce here, it is good to examine the whole New Testament and summarize ten truths it teaches believers about divorce.

1. God hates divorce and exhorts all to be faithful in marriage (Matt. 19:6; Lk.16:18; Heb.13:4)

In both the Old and New Testaments, God does not approve of divorce as it is not the will of God for anyone to pursue divorce. Even while it happens in this world and was permitted in the Old Testament due to their hardness of heart, it has never been the perfect will of God (Matt. 19:8). In Matthew 19:6, when questioned about the doctrine of divorce, Jesus emphatically says, "what God has joined together let no man put asunder", speaking of the one-flesh union as indissoluble by humans, even if they try to do it. Let no man separate them for this is a once-for-all union which cannot be dissolved by divorce. Hence in Luke 16:18, Jesus says that whoever divorces and marries another commits adultery, a betrayal of his true one-flesh union with his first spouse. Hebrews 13:4 says that marriage is to be held in honour by all. In other words, we need to honour and uphold the sanctity of marriage, whether it be in avoiding sexual immorality, or, divorce, and be faithful in marriage. So both the Old and New Testaments teach in unison that God hates divorce and rather, He wants faithfulness to grow in everyone's marriage.

2. Marriage is an indissoluble union until death, and divorce is not to be sought under any situation (1 Cor. 7:10-11; Rom.7:2; 1 Cor.7:39;)

A marriage covenant is a divinely initiated union which cannot be dissolved by divorce and lasts until the death of either spouse (Rom. 7:2, 1 Cor. 7:39). In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Paul gives the command of the Lord for the married - "wives, do not separate from your husbands", and "husbands, do not divorce your wives". Hence divorce is not encouraged by the apostle to be sought under any situation.

Now what has happened in the Protestant churches is that very early on, reformers like Luther and Calvin adopted what is called the Erasmian view of divorce, named after the great Catholic scholar, Erasmus. Erasmus developed a view of marriage and divorce contrary to the official teaching of the Catholic Church, that the marriage union is dissolved not only when death happens to one of the spouses, but also when sexual sins happen in the marriage. Thus he believed that adultery is a biblically grounded exception for the command given by Paul here to not seek divorce. This view was quickly adopted by the reformers and included in major Protestant confessions of faith. Today, many evangelicals hence believe that although God hates divorce and it is normally not to be sought, there are certain exceptions where divorce can be pursued, namely, if there has been adultery by a believing spouse (Matt. 19:9) or desertion by an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor. 7:15). However, as it shall be shown in the rest of this article, the Erasmian view is a wrong interpretation of Scripture when we consider the whole tenor of its teaching on divorce or even in the interpretation of these individual verses.

3. Sexual immorality is a condition for divorce only in the context of Jewish betrothal (Matt. 19:9; Mk.10:11-12; Lk. 16:18 cf. Matt. 1:18-19)

When we consider the synoptic gospels and how they record the words of Jesus regarding divorce, we find that the exception clause "except for immorality" is found only in the gospel of Matthew (Matt. 5:31-32; 19:9). All other synoptic gospels avoid this exception clause and state very emphatically that "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery" (Mk.10:11-12; Lk. 16:18). The reason for this difference between the synoptic gospels will illumine our minds on why Matthew included the exception clause and if at all that applies to us today, as Erasmus taught.

What did Jesus mean by "except for sexual immorality"? We need to keep in mind that the Greek word used for sexual immorality is a different one from that which is used for adultery. The word for adultery in Greek is μοιχάω (moichaó), but the word used in the exception clause for sexual immorality is πορνεία (porneia), which is a broader term and means fornication (e.g., Matt.15:19; Jn.8:41, when Jews wanted to call Jesus a bastard born out of wedlock the word they used was this same word). While adultery refers only to the sexual sins of married people against their marital union, fornication is a more general term used to refer to any kind of sexual activity sought outside of marriage without any reference to the marital status of those indulging in it. It could thus also refer to pre-marital sexual sins. While all adultery is equally fornication, not all fornication is necessarily adultery. So the pertinent question we need to ask here is, when talking about sexual sins concerning married people, why did Jesus not use the specific word "adultery" in his exception clause and rather use this general term which could even include pre-marital sex?

Considering both these facts that this exception clause occurs only in the gospel of Matthew which is written mainly for a Jewish audience and that the word used in the exception clause refers to fornication and not adultery, we must understand Jesus as referring to the betrothal violation in Jewish weddings. In a Jewish wedding, betrothal was so serious that you had to divorce your betrothed, if you wished to marry someone else. Only in Jewish weddings do we see a scenario where divorce is needed owing to pre-marital sexual infidelity. Normally, in Gentile contexts, no divorce is called for to separate an engaged couple when one of them indulges in pre-marital sex. Requiring divorce in the case of pre-marital sex makes no sense in the Gentile context and that explains why Mark and Luke did not include this exception clause in their gospel accounts written largely for Gentile audiences. However, divorce for engaged couples does happen for Jews. Even in Matthew, we have such a scene at the beginning when Joseph plans to "divorce" his betrothed Mary secretly for fear that she had committed fornication (Matt. 1:18-19). Thus Lord Jesus is saying here in Matthew 19, that except in the case of sexual unfaithfulness by a betrothed, you cannot seek divorce once you are married. This is because the one-flesh union formed in marriage is a work of God that no man can undo. In fact, in Matthew 19 when the Pharisees question Jesus on divorce, His first answer is to take them to the Genesis account and point out the permanence of this one-flesh union (Matt. 19:3-6). It is only when they question him further that He talks about divorce and the exception clause (Matt. 19:7-9). In other words, if they had not questioned Jesus any further, His first answer containing no exception clauses would have been His only answer. Hence for believers, adultery is not a biblically grounded exception for seeking divorce.

4. Any man who divorces his wife commits adultery and anyone who marries a divorcee commits adultery (Mk. 10:11-12; Lk. 16:18)

Once the one-flesh union has been established, then there is no divorce or remarriage until death dissolves that union. Even if legally the relationship can be sinfully broken in a civil court, this one-flesh union cannot be dissolved by man. Only God can dissolve it through death. Hence to divorce and remarry someone else would result in sinning against one's original marital covenant and one-flesh union with the former spouse. Hence Jesus calls remarriage upon divorce as adultery (Mk. 10:11-12; Lk. 16:18). For all those who say this position is such a hard teaching, notice it is exactly the reply of the disciples when they heard Jesus teach this truth in Matthew 19:10 – "The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry”. To which the Lord replied, But Jesus said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given" (Matt. 19:11). If God has called you to marriage, then He will give sufficient grace to accept this teaching and avoid divorce under all circumstances.

5. If a husband and wife separate, they must remain single or get reconciled to one another, not pursue divorce (1 Cor. 7:11)

Due to marital issues, if at all, a husband and wife decide to separate, Paul's exhortation is not to seek divorce. Not seeking divorce is the main point of these verses (1 Cor. 7:10-11) and just as a parenthetical thought, Paul says that if at all separation has happened, they are to either remain single or get reconciled to one another. If reconciliation is not possible, Paul does not suggest divorce and remarriage, but that they remain single. The underlying logic of this exhortation is to be found in what we have seen so far – the one-flesh union in the covenant of marriage is humanly indissoluble and any attempt to transgress it by civil divorce and remarriage amounts to nothing but adultery.

6. Paul exhorts all who came to faith after marrying an unbeliever to not seek a divorce but to live in peace (1 Cor.7:12-16)

It is very much possible for someone to come to faith in Christ after having got married in one's unbeliever days. In the case of such marriages, Paul does not encourage anyone to seek a divorce because their spouses are unbelievers. Rather, Paul exhorts them to live in peace, if the unbelieving spouse is willing to live with them as a believing spouse. If the unbelieving spouse has no issue with your faith and allows you to pursue it, then the believing spouse should live in peace, not pursue divorce or separation, and let your family grow in the witness and warmth of your holiness.

7. Peter exhorts such spouses especially wives to neither separate nor divorce, but to win their unbelieving husbands with their life, not their sermons (1 Pet.3:1-2)

In fulfilling the God-given roles and responsibilities of a husband or a wife, it is possible to win the unbelieving spouse to faith. Hence Peter says that wives who have disobedient husbands, should still submit to them as the head of their family and win them to faith by their chaste and respectful behaviour (1 Pet. 3:1-2). Peter is quite clear that this winning of the unbelieving spouse is "without a word". In other words, it is not through harangue and tirade, not through pestering and preaching, but through a quiet and winsome behaviour in conformity to the word of God, that such unbelieving spouses shall be won for Christ. The pertinent point here in keeping with our subject at hand is that even when one has an unbelieving or disobedient spouse, authors of the New Testament do not exhort one to pursue either separation or divorce but rather to fulfil one's marital roles and responsibilities as a witness to win them for Christ. For in marriage, the one-flesh union and the consequent honour due to one's marriage covenant do not depend on whether one's spouse is a believer. Since marriage was given by God not just to Christians, but to all humans, even when one's spouse is an unbeliever, the believer is bound by Scripture to honour that covenant according to God's word.

8. If the unbelieving spouse insists on separation, the believing spouse is not bound to stay together but should remain single (1Cor.7:15, 11)

Now what if the unbelieving spouse wants to separate because of one's faith in Christ? In such cases, Paul says, let them be allowed to leave because the believing spouse is not bound and God has called us to peace (1 Cor. 7:15). Does this mean the believing spouse is now free to get a divorce? The vast majority of evangelicals, especially in the West, claim it is so. According to the aforementioned evangelicals, after adultery, this issue of desertion by an unbelieving spouse is supposedly the second biblically sanctioned ground for seeking a divorce. Did Paul mean one can seek divorce when he said the believing spouse is "not bound"? Did Paul mean such a spouse is no longer bound by their marriage covenant with the unbelieving spouse? The language of being bound is commonly used by Paul to refer to the covenant of marriage. Paul says a wife is bound by law to her husband, as long as he lives (Rom. 7:2; 1 Cor 7:39) and similarly, a husband is bound to his wife and should not seek to be released from it (1 Cor. 7:27). However, the important thing is that in all these verses where Paul is speaking of the covenantal aspect of being bound to one's spouse, he uses the word δέω (deó) which is not the word he uses in 1 Corinthians 7:15 when he speaks about the deserted believing spouse is not bound. Here the word he uses is δουλόω (douloó) which normally means being enslaved. So Paul is saying that when an unbelieving spouse insists on separation, let him go, for the believing spouse is not under any enslavement to keep them from desertion and to stay together. In other words, there are no constraints on the believing spouse to fight and keep their unbelieving spouse, but let them leave if that is what they wish. Because Paul goes on to say we as believers are called to peace. Hence Paul did not mean in this verse that the believing spouse is free to divorce and remarry, which would be so contrary to all that he has been teaching in this chapter, namely, if a husband and wife separate, they must remain single or get reconciled to one another, not pursue divorce (1 Cor. 7:11). Rather, Paul meant the believing spouse is not bound to stay together.

9. Widowers and widows are permitted to marry again but only in the LORD (1 Cor.7:39)

As we have seen so far, the one-flesh union is dissolved only by the death of one's spouse. Hence Paul does permit widows and widowers to consider remarriage if that is their wish, and to do it in the Lord, meaning marry only believers (1 Cor.7:39; cf. 1 Tim. 5:11-14). Here, remarriage is not commanded, only permitted. In the New Testament, this is the only warrant for remarriage and it applies only to widows and widowers, not to those who have divorced. In all other cases, remarriage will amount to adultery in the eyes of God (Matt. 5:32; Luk. 16:18; Mk. 10:11).

10. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin and can be forgiven in Christ if repented (Mk 3:28-29; Matt.12:31-32)

Finally, we have to keep in mind that the New Testament nowhere teaches that divorce is the unpardonable sin. In Mark 3:28 and Matthew 12:31-32, the Lord Jesus says all kinds of sins and blasphemies, even blasphemy against the Son of Man could be forgiven, but the only sin that the Lord will not forgive is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit alone is the unpardonable sin because you are working against the very means by which God brings forth conviction of sin and forgiveness, His Holy Spirit. But divorce is not listed anywhere in any part of scripture as the unpardonable sin. This point is highlighted not to give anybody license to pursue divorce, but rather because there are a lot of legalists and Pharisees in every conservative church who treat people who have committed the sin of divorce harshly as if they have committed the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit and hence cannot be offered any hope of forgiveness in Christ. Such an attitude is to be avoided even while we faithfully uphold the teaching of Scripture against divorce. Bear in mind that the word "abomination" used by the Lord in Malachi 2:11 when He expressed His hatred against the Jews getting divorced and marrying pagan unbelievers, is also used by the Lord in Proverbs 16:5 which says, "Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD." While asserting our conviction regarding the divine disgust against divorce, let us not become proud in our hearts for it is equally abominable to the Lord. Hence we need to approach this matter humbly.

The nine truths we have seen so far are not bullets for anyone to start shooting at people who have committed the sin of divorce. Rather, we need to encourage them to repent in light of scriptural teaching on divorce and if they do repent, we must believe with them that God has forgiven them in Christ. So we should not use any of this teaching on divorce to advance legalistic pharisaical tendencies in our churches. While the teaching of the New Testament on marriage, divorce, and remarriage is indeed hard, we should not be hard-hearted towards those who have sinned in these matters. On the one hand, we should hold onto the standards of Scripture tenaciously, but on the other hand, we must freely offer the grace and forgiveness found in our Lord Jesus Christ to all truly repentant hearts. Amen.